According to Wikipedia, there are over 10,000 magazines published in the United States.
With this many, you might assume there would be a market somewhere for the crap I write.
Apparently not, so it looks like I am going to have to tailor stories to fit the needs of specific publications. I picked some magazines from the Wikipedia list and worked up ideas that will have their editors drooling to sign me up.
Since I am too lazy to do research and too cheap to actually acquire any of these publications, I can only guess at what their editorial slant might be.
I suppose that “Swine Practitioner” is aimed at bad hygiene enthusiasts. I am going to suggest an article titled “Soiled Underwear: a Chick Turn-On.” If they don't go for it I'm sure the editors at “Dirty Linen” will scoop it up.
The Deciders at “Skinned Knuckles” will really jump for my story called “Gloves Would Help.”
Since “Exquisite Corpse” probably deals with funeral cosmetology, how about my piece, “Put a Smile on His Face, Make Everyone Happy”?
I was sorry to see that “Trouser Press Magazine” has folded (neatly, I hope). My article, “Wrinkled Pants Linked to Impotence”, might have saved them.
The gang over at “Real Simple” is very interested in my thought provoking op-ed, “If It's Real Simple, Why Do We Need a Big, Fat Magazine to Explain It?”
“What? No Beano in Heaven?” is right on target for “Angel Exhaust.”
The editorial review board at “Naval History” is intrigued by my think piece, “Did Neanderthals Have Belly-Button Lint.”
“The Skeptical Inquirer” won't have second thoughts about my article called “Yeah, Right.”
My research effort, “Cursing Under Your Breath Lowers Blood Pressure”, will surely interest the editors over at “The Unspeakable Oath.”
If the team at “The Sentimentalist” can ever pull themselves together they will pay big bucks for my tell-all article, “Oprah Doesn't Care Anymore.”
I still haven't come with an idea for “Excellent Prismatic Spray”, but I'm working on it.