Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Other Blogger

It came as a surprise to me, but recently I learned that someone else has a blog.

I learned this, as I do most things, from the New York Times.

There she is on the front page of the Sunday Times magazine looking all sultry and seductive. Her article, the cover story no less, is titled “Blog Post Confidential: What I Gained-and Lost- By Revealing My Intimate Life on the Web.”

It’s a long and weepy article, most of which I just skimmed, and the author finally concludes that she is better off keeping the personal details of her life to herself. She has paid a heavy price she acknowledges and has lost friends and privacy. Well, gollllly.

What strikes me though is that she has managed to parlay this into a cover story in the NY Times and a job at Gawker, the online gossip site with zillions of readers.

If a creeping dread is beginning to come over you that I am about to reveal details of my intimate life to bump up readership, fear not. Granted, according to the author, millions of people read her postings, as opposed to the few refined and intelligent souls who visit these pages.

She had to learn the hard way what I know instinctively: being too candid or too controversial gets people all excited. You can conclude from the string of zeros in the comment links at the end of my articles that the harmless twaddle you read here excites or stimulates no one. I like it that way. Apparently you do as well, since you are reading it.

Here are some other tips I would like to share with my fellow blogger if she wishes to restore peace, quiet and anonymity to her blogging life:

. Never pass on any useful information. People scour the internet in search of tidbits that will give them an edge in everything from dealing with ear wax to hub cap restoration. I am sure it has not escaped your notice that this site is entirely content free. It is very easy for me to attain this vacuous state because, basically, I know nothing about anything.

. Never say anything bad about Elvis. His fans are legion. They are old. They are angry. They miss him.

. If you must discuss your intimate life, lie like a bastard. People will be so intimidated by your prodigious feats that any comment they offer will make them seem puny by comparison. This comes naturally to men, by the way, among whom discussing their intimate life and lying are synonymous.

. Be careful with links. These, I am told, attract readers which is why I avoid them like the plague. Also, linking is one of the things I know nothing about. Even if knew, I wouldn’t pass it along because that would be information and, hence, a clear violation of the first rule. However, here is one tip I will share: linking to the Rahway State Prison Chat Room is probably not a good idea.

I hope the other blogger doesn’t get discouraged and give up, or accept a staff position at the Times. Then I would be all by myself.

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