Thursday, July 9, 2009

Pocket Shots

No, the photo above is not a lost work by Mark Rothko. It is the first work in a new art form, invented by me: pants pocket photography. I call this work, “Left Pocket, Blue Shorts.”

Like most great cultural discoveries it happened by accident. Several months ago as my son was cleaning all the old messages and photos from my cell phone, he remarked: “Dad, do you know you have a few gazillion photos of the inside of your pants?”

“No,” I replied, “why would I take pictures inside my trousers?”

“You probably did it by accident. With your cell phone turned on in your pocket you probably squeezed off a few shots every time you moved or turned. Didn’t you hear the clicking sound?

“Yes,” I responded, “but I thought it was my trick knee sounding off. It comes as a relief to learn it was my phone.”

“Do you want to save them?”, he asked.

I looked at the pictures all of which had a dark, murky, mysterious look about them with strange unidentifiable shapes floating like creatures at the bottom of a sea cave.

Somewhat embarrassed as I was presented with the evidence of yet another technology gaff on my part, I told him to go ahead and delete.

Now when I am walking I prevent this from happening by keeping a tight grip on the phone. Of course, the sight of a man with his hand thrust deep in his pocket grasping a hard cylindrical object, causes many of my fellow walkers to cut me a wide berth (“Is that a cell phone you’re clutching, or are you just happy to see me.”).

Upon consideration, however, I rued my haste in sending this material into oblivion. This could be the Next Big Thing. A photographer friend of mine does very nicely by taking photos of leaves in various undulating positions. He gets big bucks and has had shows at Madison Avenue galleries.

If pictures of his lawn sweepings are grist for the artistic mill, why not an in-depth study of the unexplored world of pockets? The galleries will eat it up.

The picture above is my first effort. You, dear reader, are in at the birth of a major movement.

I shot this picture by sticking the lens of my Nikon digital SLR camera into my pocket. The blasted thing won’t shoot if there is not enough light, so I had to insert a small flash light as well. Why didn’t I use shots right off my cell phone? Simple, I couldn’t figure out how to get them from my phone to the computer.

The tan objects you see in the photo are rubber bands. I keep them handy to fire at snot nose brats who walk on my lawn or at those annoying cat birds that seem to be everywhere. I shoved a supply in my shorts about a month ago and there they will reside until the clothes drier melts them into a solid lump. The black object is my cigar cutter which, frankly, I am surprised to see since I had given it up for lost.

See if you can guess the name of this work:

That’s right, “Pocket Full of Rye.” You catch on quick.

The expressive possibilities of this art form are limitless. Once I have fully explored the depths of my drawers, I will be asking celebrities to shove a camera in their own bottoms.

Stick around and see what develops.


Mary Lois said...

Awesome. There is something erotic in that latter shot. Sexy rye. Obscene perhaps. But since it was accidental, you can either play dumb or claim to have created a multimillion dollar porn medium all with what's in your pocket.

Be sure you link this to your Facebook page. And start pricing your work.

palinforpres said...

Who but a deadbeat Democrat has time to take pictures inside his pockets? Get a job! I'll bet your getting stimulus bucks to do this too.

Jerry Andersen said...

Stimulus bucks? Great idea. Now that Sara is out of a job she should give it a try. I, for one, would like to know what kind of heat that little gun momma is packin in her pants

fartyarty said...

I have a wonderful shot of a gastric aura I captured in my trousers, if you want to see it.

Jerry Andersen said...

I'll pass on the gas, Arty

imusjacko said...

I wonder what MJ carried in his pockets. You invented pant pocket photography too late. Now we'll never know.

Jerry Andersen said...

Keep faith. He will rise.

GeorgiaO'Keeffe said...

If I had known someone could take pictures like this, I never would have married that Stieglitz bum.

Jerry Andersen said...

Aw, shucks.

Mary Lois said...

Bunch of art critics here! You really attract the intelligensia.