Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Inaugural Thoughts

I didn’t get invited to the Inauguration.

Athough I am the sole proprietor of this “highly influential” blog, I was passed over once again.

I watched it on TV most of the day because Kathie took both sets of car keys with her to work.

I wonder if Ann Coulter was there. I didn’t see her. For a fleeting minute I had the shocking thought that she was Biden’s date. Turns out it was his wife.

Martha Stewart attended. She made a point of boasting about it on her show (note: I don’t sit around watching Martha all day long, just at lunch). She explained that Obama “owed her one” because some insider stock tips she gave him paid off big time and helped him launch his Senate campaign. I heard that since she was the first person released from Gitmo, they were signaling that the healing had started.

What was up with Aretha’s hat? My sources tell me that she was trying to make a statement about alternative energy. Those big propellers on top of her lid were supposed to turn in the wind and power her teleprompter. It didn’t work that’s why she had to substitute the lyrics with a series of impromptu shrieks and bellows.

My son thought the Yo Yo Ma and Isaac Pearlman tune was the theme from Star Wars.
My wife tells me that, actually, it is an old Shaker piece. The Shakers were a religious group that practiced celibacy, went into ecstatic trances, and did an early version of the Hokie Pokie during their services. And we thought the Bushes were weird.

How bad was that poem? It didn’t even rhyme. I suggested that Martha and Snoop Dogg could team up as they did at the Grammys a few years ago and deliver a hip hop offering.
I even wrote it for them:

Hey there, Barack
Time to go on the attack
Give Al Qaeda a whack
Be like Kennedy, as in Jack
Get the US back on track
Send George Bush to Iraq
Give them bankers another stack
Where’d you get that suit?
Off the rack?

I am still waiting for them to get back to me.

Who screwed up the oath? Apparently Chief Justice Roberts thought he could “ad lib” the words to the hallowed oath. My sources say he also ad libs his legal opinions when Judge Judy is not available for consultation.

How cool was that car? With all those darkened windows, blue and red strobes and flashing lights I expected it to start bouncing and playing salsa music every time it stopped.

The downer for the day was poor Ted Kennedy. I hope he is okay. Although I know from when I used to plan events, if you get enough old guys in the same room, one of them is bound crap out. The fact that not one, but two, went face down in their fruit salad shows how many tottering old guys there are in Congress.

I guess Tom Brokaw didn’t check out all of the old timers at the lunch because he kept going on about how Obama’s election was a generational change. Seems we Boomers are out and gen x or y or whatever is now in. Hang on!! We just got here. The Greatest Generation has been in power for like 80 years, but it looks like we are two presidents and done. I think he is just greasing the old promotional machinery for another of his best selling generation books.

Well, I think I will go check in with Martha and see if she managed to get Hillary’s cookie recipe.

1 comment:

Mary Lois said...

Why is highly influential in quotation marks?